living in the now

school carnival and life's ups and downs........
the littles school and the PTA put on a fabulous carnival this year,
some of the woman in my ward were in charge
and they ask me to help out a little bit.
everyone involved worked hard
and the hard work paid off
we earned lots of money for our school
and the kids had a blast
we had lots of blow up toys to play on
tons of games
pizza and treats
my kids are old enough to go and not stay "right by mom and dad"
so they roamed around with friends
which led regan and me( or is it "I") to ask....how can our little kids be this old?
and where has the time gone?
the answer we both gave is.....we have NO IDEA!
anyway,i had wanted to take some fun pictures of the kids at the carnie
but they were off running around
so these are the only ones i got of them....(SIGH).
the picture of mckray jousting
reminds me of how i have felt as of late
getting jabbed,sucker punched and feeling like life is beating the H*%%  out of me
all while im trying so hard to stay standing up
you see, stress has gotten the better of me
and i am having to really fight to keep stress at bay
stress can really take its tole on you if your not careful
i have lots on my mind
questions like:
will we ever be able to pay off regans student loans?
will we ever  have more money coming in than going out?
its hard to believe that once upon a time we did.
will i be able to find a better job? ....yeah i got a job, its not glamorous or what i want to do forever, but its a job.
am i doing a good job as a mother,wife, friend, sister,daughter?
am i living the life i want to?
am i floating.....or am i really living?
anyway........ you get the picture
i guess it comes down to having FAITH
having faith in myself and having faith in god
having faith in myself is the one i REALLY, REALLY struggle with
believing that all is well and that all will be well
if i am doing all that i can
and working hard
and having faith
it will all work out
when i stop and think about all that i have
and all that i have to be grateful  for
the stress seems to LIFT 
but, when i focus on the "crap" of life
well, then everything seems
CRAPPY
right now i need to focus on what i DO have
instead of what i DON'T have
focuse on the postive qualities that I DO have
life is as EASY or as HARD as i want to make it
its really all about ATTITUDE isn't it??
heres to happier days
and
better attitudes